Friday, January 21, 2005


So I drove off the road today. Fucking snow storms. Few days ago there was practically no snow on the ground, and then on Thursday it started to snow 24/7 and it's still going on. So when there's snow above the icy road, the things on tires that's supposed to keep your car on the slippery winter roads can't stick to the ice. There was this 90 degree curve and I turned the wheel all I could, yet slowly but surely I was sliding off the road. Before I could say "FUCK NO!" the front of car was stuck on a big pile of snow.

I stepped out of the car to examine if I could just push the car back to the road, but that was a too heavy task for me. I was about to call my dad so he could get me and the car out of there, but luckily for me some gentleman parked his car by the side of the road and offer his help. Soon there where three gentlemen pushing the car back to the road while I was steering the wheel inside, and after few minutes I was back on the road. I thanked the men from the bottom of my heart, and then I drove off.

There's been quite a few car accidents these past few days because of the bad weather according to the news. I was lucky just to hit a pile of snow instead of another car.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Damn you, possessed vacuum cleaner!

I'm going to take Mr. Nice Posture off my Imaginary Boyfriends list: he has a girlfriend.

So today I passed him in the crowded halls of our lovely school and I did what I always do when I encounter him. Which is just glance him casually, like he was any other pupil crawling to their classes, trying hard not to give him any clues that I adore him. I took it all in: the scruffy straight-out-of-bed-hair, piercing eyes, cute lips, sexy posture, red marks on his neck... RED MARKS ON HIS NECK!??

What the fuck? I thought only fourteen-year-olds did hickeys. First, I was shocked, but not that surprised, really. Hey, he's a good looking guy who showers regularly, so it's really not that unbelievable that some other hot chick might have stuck her claws on him.

Luckily for me, my brain has a way of forgetting bad things and twisting them into something that I'm more comfortable with. I mean, maybe he was just cleaning his room when some demonic spirit of some dead old nasty whore possessed the vacuum cleaner and he lost all control of it. While he was screaming helplessly the vacuum cleaner sucked his neck until someone unplugged it. It happens, you know.

Daydream believer

Oh, the dreams that I see right before I wake up! Now I'm going to tell you about that dream where I saw my sort-of-crush. There was this big hotel that was turned into a nightclub, and everyone I have ever went to school with was there! Even this guy I have known since we were five but I haven't seen him in three years. Anyway, there was dancing, techno music, liquor, cigarette smoke and all that. I saw my crush, lets just call him Mr. Nice Posture, because the way he carries himself is so sexy and besides, I hate the word crush.

So, Nice Posture was dancing drunkenly on the floor with lots of other people, and I was drooling at him from the bar. Then my subconscious spat this greasy little skinny boy (who also goes to my school but is two years younger than me and has a girlfriend and a bad haircut) in front of me, and for some reason, we start kissing. Then some other random stuff happens, and I'm trying to find a bathroom or a bush or something because my bladder is about to explode in real life. My subconscious is yelling me to wake up and go pee, but I don't listen.

Suddenly it's the next day at the nightclub-hotel, and I'm sitting somewhere with that guy I've known since I was five, the greasy-skinny-bad-haircut boy (GSBHB) and some other guy. I'm trying to ignore GSBHB because I can't stand him. Out of nowhere Nice Posture walks in the picture and tells GSBHB to get the hell out of there and sits right next to me! At this point I'm thinking FINALLY I have a dream about someone I like and not one of those depressing sex dreams about some disgusting guy who can't get it up when we are about to get it on. Anyway, he looks at me, I look at him, a very romantic moment indeed. We shake hands (?) and he says it's a pity we didn't meet yesterday. I'm thinking what the fuck, who cares, we are here now, this is my dream, it's Sunday and I've got the hole day to dream about us.

Subconscious: Ok, seriously, you've been trying to keep that bladder from exploding since 3 am! Wake the fuck up, and go pee!

Me: No way. I'm in an nightclub sitting next to Nice Posture and I'm about to do nasty things with him.

Subconscious: Oh please, as if. Fine, stay in bed. I'll just order your brain to send a message to your bladder to let it all out. Then you'll officially be the weirdo of the family who wets her bed at the age of 18.

Me: Oh, fine. But only if you promise that I'll fall right back to sleep when I come back and Nice Posture will be right there where I left him.

Subconscious: Uh, yeah... ok. Whatever.

Needless to say, I didn't fell asleep again. Now I have to wait until I see another dream about him, because I'm too much of a pussy to do all those nasty thing with him in real life. But like I said, I rarely dream about those who I really like.

Yeah, and today before I woke up I saw a dream where I fought against David Carradine and Uma Thurman Kill Bill style and finally drove off with a tractor, but that's another story.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

The parents

When I woke up today I decided that I would write about this dream I had about my crush this morning, but I changed my mind. Besides, he's not really my crush. I just get this urge to lure him into some dark corner and press my body against his and start making out like there's no tomorrow when ever I see him, but that's all... Anyway, I'll write about it some other time, maybe.

I would just like to mention that I love my parents. Sure they have their flaws like all of us and they have the gift of driving me crazy every once in a while. Like that time when I was sitting in front of my computer minding my own business and dad just dropped by to mention that the radiation from the computer will melt my brain. It's nice to receive health advice from someone who has been smoking since he was fifteen and is a lung cancer patient waiting to happen. Anyway, still love them dearly.

Today they went dancing. On Sundays, there's this day-time-dance-thingy where old people go to dance. Yeah, so they're old, older than most parents with kids my age. But then again, I'm the youngest one of us children, and my eldest brother is thirty-something, so it's not like they have bunch of teenagers to worry about anymore. Except me, of course, but not for long (hopefully). My dad doesn't dance, so I assume that he just shoots the shit with his friends and drinks some booze. My mom on the other hand loves to dance. Lucky for her she's smoking hot for her age (fifty-something, has dark brown hair with about five grey hairs in there altogether, slim and fit and has apparently never suffered from cellulite), so lot's of men ask her to dance.

They enjoy these little Sunday afternoon dances, because they both get what they want: mom gets to dance and look gorgeous, dad gets to get a bit drunk and chat with his pals, mom gets happy and dad gets happy to see mom happy. And I get happy to see them happy. They forget their daily shitty things they have to deal with. Like mom, she gets depressed sometimes because she suffers from short-term memory loss, and dad has some ear problems, so it's best to talk to him so that he can read your lips because he's almost deaf. But when they go dancing, all that goes away.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Riders on the storm

Funny thing happened. On Friday I had to drive to this nearby town to run some errands, and the weather was absolutely horrible. The roads were covered with this big fat layer of wet snow and it was raining. So, there I am, driving in the dark, shitting myself because the roads are so slippery and I can barely see because it's raining. I wasn't listening to the radio at that moment because I was afraid that it would distract me somehow, so to amuse myself I start to hum Riders on the Storm by The Doors. On the way back home I turn on the radio, and first song that is on is Snoop Doggs cover or remix or whatever of Riders on the storm. It made me smile for a while.

My sister came back from Egypt also on Friday. Apparently she had had all kinds of stomach problems over there and she gave me some great advice about traveling, such as: "don't ever go on trips alone, because when you get sick the other person can go and buy you medicine and clean water". I feel sorry for the man who went there with her.

By the way, I feel like my mystery guy has turned into a mystery stalker. Few days ago I got a message from him asking what I was doing, and I replied and so on. Then yesterday I got another message, and this time he asks me out on a date "or something". Considering I know nothing about this man (supposedly he is a man), and he (again, supposedly) knows nothing about me, I politely refused. In my head, I saw two possible scenarios that could've happened if I had said yes: like I mentioned in my earlier post, it could have turned out to resemble some sappy Meg Ryan movie, or if the guy had been some crazy stalker-rapist, it might have made a mediocre CSI episode. I think I won't be hearing from him again.

I should be studying math right now.

P.S. Hello to all of those who are reading this through Blog Explosion.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Too much sleep

I should've woken up early this morning. Or at least stayed up late last night, because now, after 12 hours of sleep, I'm suffering from dream-hangover... Or, whatever. Anyway, the point is, I can't get my brains to work and I'm wandering around like a zombie. I even had two cups of really REALLY strong coffee (my trademark) and still I feel a bit off. People always tell you to get enough sleep but they don't warn you about getting too much sleep.

Anyway, I'm sitting here in front of my computer trying to write an analysis about this picture, but I just can't get it started. I suck at writing analysis about anything, so I might as well just write something crappy and be done with it.

So I managed to broke one of my new years resolutions already: I skipped school on Tuesday. But it was worth it! I took a walk and tried to figure things out and then I suddenly found a solution to this problem that has been bothering me for a very long time and making me depressed. So now I can honestly say that I'm happier than I've been for a long long time.

Oh, by the way, the mystery guy (could also be a girl, though, it's not like I know for sure) that I was talking in my earlier post send me a message again on Monday. I'm starting to think that someone is pulling a prank on me, because it seems that we have a mutual friend. Well, not really a friend, he said he knows this guy around here that I also know and went to school with (and used to have a crush on when I was 6). So this made me wonder, that what are the odds that some total stranger accidentally send you a sms, and you turn out to know the same people. But who knows, maybe he really is who he says he is and just likes to send messages to people who he doesn't know at all. I don't know, this is all starting to sound a bit too much like some Meg Ryan film to me.

I better start writing that analysis so my teacher wont kick my ass.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Random stuff, new year resolutions etc.

I have very high hopes for 2005. This is the year when I'll (hopefully) graduate from upper secondary school, spread my wings and fly away from home. I want to go to this one university so bad, and I'm constantly worried that I wont get in. The applying process starts in March. I'm not 100% sure will I like the things I'm thinking of studying there, but apparently those who go there will end up getting good jobs and a lot of money, so...

I celebrated the new year at a bar with bunch of my friends. I wasn't sure whether I was going to go there or not, because I'm paranoid and I think that all my friends hate me and so on, but once I got some liquor in to my body things started look alright. I had lots of fun, and even met some interesting people while waiting for a cab. I was complaining to this woman that maybe I should try hitchhiking, because there wasn't any taxis around, but she advised me not to. She started to explain how something bad had happened to her when she was sixteen or fifteen, apparently some guy tried to rape her or something. I didn't really hear what she was saying, because we were both drunk and she slurred. She told me that she still remembers it like it was yesterday, even though she's turning fifty this summer. She was lovely.

Yeah, well I wasn't so happy on Saturday. I don't get really bad hangovers, I just get a bit stiff on the next day, but that's wasn't the reason. I got really depressed about everything, but mostly because school starts again tomorrow. I try to tell myself that it's only five weeks and that I can cope with it. I think I'm suffering from social anxiety or something like that, and I seriously have to get some help with this, because I can't keep skipping school like I did before Christmas or I'll fail a lot of courses. I decided that I'll call and get an appointment for a doctor who perhaps can prescribe me something or send me to a shrink who can prescribe me something. Blaah.. I just want to move out of this town as soon as possible.

Oh yes, a funny thing happened last night. I was crying and sniffing in my bed, feeling sorry for myself and all that, and suddenly my cellphone vibrates. I got up and thought that maybe I got a message from my sister who's in Egypt at the moment, but I didn't recognize the number. I send the number to this inquiry thingy where you find out who has the number, but apparently the number was secret, so I didn't get to know who that other person actually was (he told me his name and where he lived and so on but strangers can't really be trusted). Anyway, the message said something like "How are you doing?", and I thought that it was just so absurd because I was feeling like shit and suddenly I get this message from some unknown person. I send him a message back saying that I didn't know who he/she was and he replied that he might have the wrong number, but anyway we ended up sending messages to each other back and forth. At some point his reply took a while, and I thought that that was it, I put the phone on the table and went back to sleep. When I woke up, I noticed that he actually had replied when I was sleeping.

My brother leaves today, which is good, I'll probably give him a lift to the station. I love him, but most of the time I can't stand him.

And now it's time for my New Year resolutions:

-Go to a doctor and get my head fixed
-Study as hard as I can for the last remaining weeks
-exercise more
-Eat less candy, chips and such
-Try to think positive
-Not skip school (much)
-Read interesting books
-Watch less crappy TV

Even though I'll probably wake up tomorrow thinking "What's the point?" and decide to stay home, spend my day eating chips in front of the TV getting depressed while all my school books are gathering dust somewhere, it's good to at least pretend that I tried to improve my life.

Happy New year to everyone who for some strange reason find themselves reading this, feel free to make some sort of a comment. Despite the somewhat gloomy start of my new year, I'm positive that when I get my shit together, this will be one of the best years of my life so far.